* Mums and Daughters

Clearly destroying family bondings in the viewers and filling the mind with ugly thoughts.

To cite Victor Cline: Porn Is the Devil : http://www.thetrumpet.com/index.php?q=1199.432.67.0

Porn destroys human relations even on a non-sexual level, by reducing one’s capacity to love, says Dr. Cline. “[I]t results in a marked dissociation of sex from friendship, affection, caring and other normal healthy emotions and traits which help marital relationships” (op. cit.).

Pornography affects any mind—married or unmarried—old, and especially young. How?

Consider the messages of pornography. What is the attitude behind it?

First, it depicts an unrealistic and wrong view of sex. Fewer than 5 percent of all sexual encounters in pornography depict “normal” heterosexual intercourse. Someone who knew nothing about human sexuality and decided to learn about it purely from adult entertainment would think that one in five sexual encounters involved simulated or actual violence and torture.

Part of this view of sex is the message that casual sex carries no negative consequences or responsibility. That sex with anyone, anytime, anyplace, is acceptable and even beneficial. That sex, in the fantasy world of pornography, is the same thing as love and intimacy.

Another message in pornography involves the degradation of women (and, in less mainstream content, children). Playboy’s women are called “bunnies” or “playmates.” Penthouse calls its women “pets.” The theme of porn is that the woman’s only purpose is to meet the sexual demands of men.



Nutritionists tell us we are what we eat. Similarly, the quality and character of our spirit is a reflection of what we feast upon—including the books and magazines we read and the motion pictures, television shows, plays, and other public entertainments we witness. Unfortunately, much of what is available is not conducive to building healthy spirituality.

For a small rental fee, it is now possible to witness on a videocassette—almost any motion picture ever made—good or bad. Or we can choose our entertainment from scores of cable television channels which, at the present time, are almost totally unregulated in the United States. This means that programming on all of the major U.S. cable networks mixes films and programs of good taste and value with others that are extremely malignant, involving soft-core pornography and excesses of violence. Even commercial TV has much of questionable worth. The outside world truly has entered into our homes—into the family room, the kitchen, and the bedroom. The seriousness of the problem has prompted this examination of a sensitive and distasteful subject.

The media have a great potential to teach, inspire, inform, and entertain, but they may also corrupt, degrade, and pervert. They have the power to influence profoundly for good or evil all aspects of our values and feelings, as well as our behavior. We are affected by what we choose to expose ourselves to.

For example, I have a letter from a fourteen-year-old girl telling of the death of her ten-year-old brother by hanging. With naive innocence, he had imitated the scene of a mock hanging he had witnessed in an evening television movie. He thought he could escape death as the actor in the movie had. He didn’t.

As a clinical psychologist, I see examples almost daily of gracious and good people (all ages, both sexes) of exemplary upbringing who have become addicted to viewing violence. Many have also cultivated an appetite for voyeuristically viewing stimulating, sexually explicit scenes of multiple adulteries, rape, or the seduction of innocents—all in living color and accompanied by a memorable musical score.

Evil is presented as attractive and good. Destructive behaviors are marketed as exciting and rewarding. Often humor is used to make pornography, rape, or the loss of innocence entertaining and palatable.

But what starts out as a spectator sport introduces into one’s brain a vast library of antisocial fantasies. These have the potential, much research suggests, of eventually being acted out—to the destruction of the individual and others around him.

I have found that four things typically happen to some people who become immersed in erotic or pornographic material.

First, they become addicted. They get hooked on it and come back for more and more.

Second, their desire for it escalates. They soon need rougher and more explicit material to get the same kicks and excitement.

Third, they become desensitized to the abnormality of the behavior portrayed. In time, they accept and embrace what at first had shocked and offended them.

Fourth, eventually there is a tendency and temptation to act out what they have witnessed. Appetite has been whetted and conscience anesthetized.

I have observed this progression countless times with some users of pornography. And everyone is vulnerable—even good people. In spite of the significant risks in voluntarily exposing oneself to this kind of material, I see many people who feel they are the exception. They feel they can journey into the sewer and somehow come out still smelling like a rose. Some feel that if they can indulge in “adult materials” without their wives and children ever finding out, they can escape any negative effects. But the laws of learning apply to us all.

A mother brought into my office her thirteen-year-old daughter who, with a fourteen-year-old boyfriend, had uncovered the father’s secret cache of pornography. The pictures and stories helped break down their self-restraint. Now the girl was pregnant and uncertain of her father’s real values.

The human reproductive drive is one of God’s great gifts to mankind. It allows us to participate in the act of creation, to know the great joy of having children who are forever linked to us biologically and spiritually. Sexual intimacy with genuine affection may also bond the husband and wife together, heal wounds in the relationship, and bless the man and woman with a special kind of joy and caring for each other. Indeed, the physical union of husband and wife is not only a commandment of God, but it is also a great blessing for us.

But pornography degrades sex. It dehumanizes the participants and those who witness it. Much of this filmed, photographed, or written “prostitution” is actually antisexual, because it gives a great deal of misinformation about human sexuality. Rather than being sex education, most of it is sex miseducation. Introducing abnormal stimuli into the mind of those who view it, it could create fantasies that may never be erased. It has the potential of corrupting values and degrading those who indulge. It suggests behaviors that could destroy one’s marriage and family.

Yesterday I saw a young woman, religiously devout, who had followed the advice of a marriage manual and repeatedly indulged with her husband in some very hard-core pornography. The manual had promised that this would enhance the affection in their marriage relationship. But unfortunately the strategy had boomeranged. She found that her guilt over her subsequent fantasies turned her away from her husband. The pornography she had voluntarily exposed herself to had, in this instance, damaged the most intimate aspects of their marital relationship.

Pornography leads to a loss of contact with, and consciousness of, God and the Holy Spirit. It fills the mind and soul with ugly images. It can lead to a psychological, sexual, and spiritual regression. Getting into a cycle of pornography use and escalation can lead to infidelity or other inappropriate sexual behavior. Becoming addicted to pornography can lead to a loss of control, and eventually to the loss of moral agency.

Some American motion picture producers in recent years have marketed what is called the “hard R” film. These usually involve what is called “porno-violence,” a combination of soft-core pornography and extreme violence, with women usually cast in the role of victims. Several years ago this kind of film would have received an “X” rating from the Motion Picture Association of America. But the erosion that has been occurring in motion picture ratings has made it possible for these movies to now receive “R” ratings, making them more accessible to much broader audiences.

Those who witness this porno-violence in commercial cinema, on cable television, or on a rented videocassette and who allow their children to view it—in my judgment do great injury to themselves and their children. This exposure creates false images and feelings about men and women and sexuality and raises the possibility that the viewer may be conditioned into practicing sexual deviancy. For, as much evidence has suggested, all sexual deviations are learned, not inherited.

I have heard some argue that it is all right for moral, religious people to view soft-core pornography, such as that found in some R-rated films. They say this isn’t the really “rough stuff” found in the so-called hard-core films. But actually, the only difference may be a slightly different camera angle. The inappropriate behavior witnessed is still the same.

Sociologist Diana Russell says pornography is vicious antiwoman propaganda: “It tells lies about us. It degrades women. Pornography is not made to educate but to sell. … What this involves is for the most part totally contrary to what we know about female sexuality [devoid of tenderness or caring] to say nothing of love and romance.”

But women aren’t the only victims. Anyone who participates in or witnesses their degradation may become, in time, a victim too.

Some have argued that there is no scientific evidence suggesting harm to those indulging in pornography. Their arguments are patently untrue. Following are several representative studies and evidences. (See the list of sources at the conclusion of this article. A more extensive research bibliography can be obtained from the author on request: Dr. Victor Cline, Department of Psychology, University of Utah, Salt Lake City, Utah 84112 USA.)

• Drs. Keith Davis and G. N. Braucht studied how pornography affects moral character, deviance in the home and neighborhood, and sexual behavior. They worked with seven different populations of subjects, comprising 365 people. In this study, impressive in its rigorous methodology and careful statistical treatment, they concluded that exposure to pornography is the best predictor of sexual deviance among young subjects.

• In a national survey conducted by Drs. Morris Lipkin and Donald Carns at the University of Chicago and Northwestern University, 254 psychotherapists indicated having had patients who had been “harmed or damaged” by exposure to pornographic materials. Another 325 doctors indicated they had had patients with some evidence of harm. Although other therapists in the survey did not report having such patients, the evidence of pornography’s harm cannot be disregarded as insignificant.

• In the past five years a series of studies on the effects of pornography has been conducted by such investigators as Neal Malamuth at the University of Manitoba in Canada, Seymour Feshbach at UCLA, Edward Donnerstein at the University of Wisconsin, and Dolf Zillman at Indiana University. They have found that a merging of sexual and violent imagery increases the viewer’s aggressiveness, especially toward women. They found that it also lessens men’s sensitivity about rape, increasing their callousness toward women and stimulating fantasies of aggressive rape. Many viewers have admitted entertaining the idea of raping someone—especially if they thought they could get away with it. In one study at UCLA, 51 percent of the males studied admitted to such a possibility if assurred they would not be caught. So-called “nonviolent pornography” was also found to have a series of negative consequences for the viewers in studies by Dr. Dolf Zillman at the University of Indiana.

• Three British scientists, R. J. McGuire, J. M. Carlisle, and D. G. Young, have noted how such sexual activity as masturbation, homosexuality, exhibitionism, and voyeurism can be prompted and reinforced by pornography. A number of studies I have reviewed suggest that persistent deviant sexual fantasies frequently lead later to deviant behavior. (“As he thinketh in his heart, so is he.” (Prov. 23:7.) Dr. McGuire found that any type of sexual deviation could be acquired this way—including more than one in the same individual. Experience shows that it usually takes special reconditioning therapies to eliminate these deviations. Without outside help, attempts at self-control are largely ineffective. One’s agency in this matter to a large extent has been lost.

Dealing with the Problem

How can we responsibly deal with the flood of erotic and pornographic images which we find on every side? On the personal, individual level, we have the agency to avoid it. If we know something is poisonous, we are careful not to eat it. If we know a certain drug is highly addictive and would have a noxious effect on our body, most of us would avoid its use. Likewise, we can make a personal decision to avoid pornography, resisting the temptation to take that first look—to see what it’s all about.

But what can we do if we are exposed to inappropriate materials through no fault of our own? We can resist the temptation to go back for the second look. We have the agency to choose not to indulge in explicit images that might eventually “hook” us. These will be times when no parent, bishop, or stake president will be present. We will be on our own; the decision will be totally ours to make. It’s up to us to act in our own self-interest.

How can we protect our families from the influence of this kind of material? First, I think we should discuss with our children the dangers of pornography in clear, helpful, tasteful terms. If we don’t do this, who will? In family councils, we should establish rules and guidelines for TV, movies, and reading material. Discussions of this kind are more productive if the children (especially the teenagers) contribute their ideas and solutions. If they do, they will be more likely to abide by the codes which your family establishes.

Remember also that if you have a good relationship with your children they will be more likely to emulate your values and pay attention to your wise and loving counsel.

What can we do on the local level? We can get involved in the community, schools, and government. Latter-day Saints who live in democratic countries can try to influence their legislators and thus have an impact on the law. We have a right to speak up—to create the kind of society we want. But this doesn’t come easily or without pain and effort. If we want a better community we have to pay the price of becoming involved.

I find that we can have more influence working through groups than as isolated individuals. However, individuals who are knowledgeable can do much good. We must know the facts—what the law says, what the research suggests—if we are to have credibility. In order to be responsible, we have to make ourselves more knowledgeable than just about everybody else.

The media do have incredible power to influence us and shape the nature of our civilization—for good or evil. Our hearts and minds—and those of our children—are vulnerable.

The media can make a real contribution to our society. But what we need—from the moviemaker, the television producer, the novelist, poet, playwright, and advertiser—is a new vision of man and woman, a new set of heroes. We need to see heroes who can cope, who can solve problems—not by violence, but by peaceful means. We need to see models of people sacrificing for a greater good, overcoming temptations, disciplining their emotional and psychological resources.

If our civilization is to survive, our arts and media will have to convey more positive values—reflecting the greatness of man and woman, their potential for good, and their capacity to love and express concern for others.

References

Bandura, Albert, Principles of Behavior Modification. New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston, 1969.

Brownmiller, Susan, Against Our Will: Men, Women and Rape. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1975.

Cline, Victor B. “Critique of Commission Behavioral Research.” In The Report of the Commission on Obscenity and Pornography. New York: Bantam Books, 1970, pp. 463–90.

Cline, Victor B. Where Do You Draw the Line? Explorations in Media Violence, Pornography and Censorship. Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University Press, 1974.

Cline, Victor B. “The Scientists vs. Pornography: An Untold Story.” Intellect, February 1976.

Davis, Keith E., and G. N. Braucht. “Exposure to Pornography, Character and Sexual Deviance: A Retrospective Survey.” Journal of Social Issues, 1973, pp. 183–96.

Donnerstein, Edward, and L. Berkowitz. “Victim Reactions in Aggressive Erotic Films As a Factor in Violence against Women.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1981, pp. 710–24.

Donnerstein, Edward, and N. Malamuth. “Pornography: Its Consequences on the Observer.” In Sexual Dynamics of Anti-social Behavior, edited by L. B. Schlesinger. Springfield, Ill.: Charles C. Thomas, (in press).

Evans, D. R. “Masturbatory Fantasy and Sexual Deviation.” Behavioral Research and Therapy, 1968, p. 17.

Feshbach, Seymour, and N. Malamuth. “Sex and Aggression: Proving the Link.” Psychology Today, December 1978, pp. 111–22.

Lipkin, Morris, and D. E. Carns. “Poll of Mental Health Professionals.” In University of Chicago Division of Biological Sciences and the Pritzker School of Medicine Reports. Winter 1970, p. 1.

Malamuth, Neal. “Rape Proclivity among Males.” Journal of Social Issues, 1981, pp. 138–57.

Malamuth, Neal M., and J. P. Check. “The Effects of Mass Media Exposure on Acceptance of Violence against Women: A Field Experiment.” Journal of Research in Personality, 1981, pp. 436–46.

McGuire, F. J., J. M. Carlisle, and B. G. Young. “Sexual Deviations As Conditioned Behavior: A Hypothesis.” Behavior Research Therapy, 1965, p. 185.

Rachman, Stanley. “Sexual Fetishism.” Psychological Record, 1966, p. 293.

Rachman, Stanley, and R. J. Hodgson. “Experimentally-induced ‘Sexual Fetishism’: Replication and Development.” Psychological Record, 1968, p. 25.

Russell, Diana E. H. “Pornography: A Feminist Perspective.” Privately printed paper. Berkeley, Calif., 1977.

Television and Behavior: Ten Years of Scientific Progress and Implications for the Eighties, 2 vols. NIMH, Government Printing Office, Washington, D.C., 1982.
Church Leaders Suggest Ways to Fight Pornography

As Individuals

President Spencer W. Kimball: “We abhor pornography that seems to be flooding the land. … The best way to stop it is to have men and women, with their families, build barriers against it.” (Ensign, May 1975, p. 7.)

“Each person must keep himself clean and free from lusts. He must shun ugly, polluted thoughts and acts as he would an enemy. Pornography and erotic stories and pictures are worse than polluted food. Shun them.” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982, p. 283.)

President Gordon B. Hinckley: “Begin with yourself. Reformation of the world begins with reformation of self. It is a fundamental article of our faith that ‘We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, [and] virtuous.’ (A of F 1:13.) …

“Respect for self is the beginning of virtue in men. That man who knows that he is a child of God, created in the image of a divine Father and gifted with a potential for the exercise of great and godlike virtues, will discipline himself against the sordid, lascivious elements to which all are exposed. …

“I should like to give to every man … a challenge to lift his thoughts above the filth, to discipline his acts into an example of virtue, to control his words that he speak only that which is uplifting and leads to growth.” (Ensign, Nov. 1975, pp. 38–39.)

“Be clean. Watch what you read. No good and much harm can come of reading pornographic magazines and other such literature. They will only stimulate within you thoughts that will weaken your discipline of yourself. No good will come of going to movies that are designed to take from you your money and give you in exchange only weakened wills and base desires.” (Ensign, Nov. 81, p. 41.)

Elder Thomas S. Monson: “Return to righteousness. An understanding of who we are and what God expects us to become will prompt us to pray—as individuals and as families. Such a return reveals the constant truth: ‘Wickedness never was happiness.’ (Alma 41:10.) Let not the evil one dissuade. We can yet be guided by that still small voice—unerring in its direction and all-powerful in its influence.” (Ensign, Nov. 1979, p. 67.)

As Parents

President Spencer W. Kimball: “Teach your children to avoid smut as the plague it is. … Precious souls are at stake—souls that are near and dear to each of us.” (Ensign, Nov. 1976, p. 6.)

“We need to constantly guard against immorality, pornography, and sexual permissiveness that would destroy the purity of the family members, young and old. …

“What must we do? We must be constantly alert to their evil presence in our homes and destroy them as we would the germs and filth of disease. We must hunt them from the closets of our minds, freeing ourselves of such worldliness, quenching the embers of wickedness before they become destructive flames. How do we do this? …

“There is only one sure way and that is through the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ and being obedient to its profound and inspired teachings. Surely we must be made to realize that the purchase price of a family hearth free of such evil influences is the keeping of the commandments of God.” (Ensign, May 1979, pp. 5–6.)

Elder Gordon B. Hinckley: “The home is the cradle of virtue, the place where character is formed and habits are established. The home evening is the opportunity to teach the ways of the Lord.

“You know that your children will read. They will read books and they will read magazines and newspapers. Cultivate within them a taste for the best. While they are very young, read to them the great stories which have become immortal because of the virtues they teach. Expose them to good books. Let there be a corner somewhere in your house, be it ever so small, where they will see at least a few books of the kind upon which great minds have been nourished.

“Let there be good magazines about the house, those which are produced by the Church and by others, which will stimulate their thoughts to ennobling concepts. Let them read a good family newspaper that they may know what is going on in the world without being exposed to the debasing advertising and writing so widely found. When there is a good show in town, go to the theater as a family. Your very patronage will give encouragement to those who wish to produce this type of entertainment. And use that most remarkable of all tools of communication, television, to enrich their lives. There is so much that is good, but it requires selectivity. Elder Kimball spoke … of the efforts of the television networks to present in prime-time evening hours suitable family entertainment. Let those who are responsible for this effort know of your appreciation for that which is good and also of your displeasure with that which is bad. …

“Let there be music in the home. If you have teenagers who have their own recordings, you will be prone to describe the sound as something other than music. Let them hear something better occasionally. Expose them to it. It will speak for itself. More of appreciation will come than you may think. It may not be spoken, but it will be felt, and its influence will become increasingly manifest as the years pass.” (Ensign, Nov 1975, p. 39.)

Elder Marvin J. Ashton: “I challenge parents to be concerned about what your children read or view. … Consider the difference in children who are cuddled and snuggled by parents at bedtime as they listen to stories from good books, and then kneel at their bedside in prayer, as compared to those who go to bed after having viewed a violent television program.

“Next, I challenge grandparents to foster reading programs with your grandchildren. If you are close enough to be with them, read the books to them that will help develop character and ideals. If you’re a distance away, send them books, old or new, with a personal invitation to read them and report how they like them. …

“Next, I challenge families to foster movie viewing that is wholesome. Parents should know the movies their children attend, and children should attend only the movies they have parental permission to view. If movie viewing is an important part of your family life, and good ones are not available in commercial movie houses, wise parents will rent full-length movies that entertain and edify.” (Ensign, Nov. 1977, p. 72.)

As Citizens

President Spencer W. Kimball: “Members of the Church everywhere are urged to not only resist the widespread plague of pornography, but as citizens to become actively and relentlessly engaged in the fight against this insidious enemy of humanity around the world. …

“As citizens, join in the fight against obscenity in your communities. Do not be lulled into inaction by the pornographic profiteers who say that to remove obscenity is to deny people the rights of free choice. Do not let them masquerade licentiousness as liberty.” (Ensign, Nov. 1976, p. 6.)

Elder Robert L. Simpson: “How about taking a few minutes … to voice objection to the local supermarket manager about easy availability and prominent display of unacceptable material on his periodical display rack. …

“Perhaps we should all become a lot more interested in what the school is recommending and making available to our children. How many school meetings or visits did you make during the past year?

“Do the men you vote for feel as you do on these vital matters? Is there some legislation that needs to be encouraged, some petitions that need to be circulated, some telephone calls that need to be made?” (Ensign, Jan. 1973, pp. 112–13.)

Elder Gordon B. Hinckley: “The building of public sentiment begins with a few earnest voices. I am not one to advocate shouting defiantly or shaking fists and issuing threats in the faces of legislators. But I am one who believes that we should earnestly and sincerely and positively express our convictions to those given the heavy responsibility of making and enforcing our laws. …

“Let our voices be heard. I hope they will not be shrill voices, but I hope we shall speak with such conviction that those to whom we speak shall know of the strength of our feeling and the sincerity of our effort. Remarkable consequences often flow from a well-written letter and a postage stamp. Remarkable results come of quiet conversation with those who carry heavy responsibilities. …

“Speak to those who enact the regulations, the statutes, and the laws—those in government on local, state, and national levels; and those who occupy positions of responsibility as administrators of our schools. …

“God give us the strength, the wisdom, the faith, the courage as citizens to stand in opposition to [obscenity] and to let our voices be heard in defense of those virtues which, when practiced in the past, made men and nations strong, and which, when neglected, brought them to decay.” (Ensign, Nov. 1975, pp. 39–40.)
Let’s Talk about It

After reading “Obscenity—How It Affects Us, How We Can Deal with It,” individually or as a family, you may want to discuss the following questions and ideas.

1. Why is it so dangerous—spiritually and physically—to view violent and sexually stimulating material?

2. Why does Satan try so hard to pervert the normal, God-given feelings we have? How does pornography contribute to that perversion?

3. The author suggests that deviant behavior is learned. How can a person keep from learning such behavior? How can a person who has learned deviant behavior unlearn it?

4. How can we protect ourselves and our families from the influences of pornography?

[illustrations] Illustrated by Mark Robison
Notes

Victor B. Cline, professor at the University of Utah, is a high councilor in the Salt Lake Valley View Stake. He and his wife Lois are the parents of nine children. Dr. Cline is nationally regarded as an expert on the influence of pornography on society.

Note to porn stars: If you are tired of the abuse and want to submit your statement to make your voice heard please contact me at info@thepinkcross.org. I will make sure your name is protected if you wish to remain anonymous.

(Beware of adult conversation)
STD’s are a very frightening thing in this industry. For a moment it seems healthier to have sex with a ‘tested’ porn star, then a random ‘civilian’.

Unfortunately, we are never really truly tested as ‘clean’. The industry only makes you test for 3 things. 2 of them bacterial! The other HIV.

On top of not being tested for things like: HPV, HEP, HERPES, and AIDS…. Most porn performers also work as prostitutes on the side with NONTESTED customers. (also called privates)

And of course, nobody is going to tell the new innocent girl that her health is at stake, because they (the agents, are making 10-20% of her income!!! and the major companies even more money! Some girls are making $2,000 a day, so their agent is making $200 average a day.

The agents and companies only use you, but I will get into that later.

Many of my friends in this industry including myself caught HPV. Many of their conditions turned worse to cervical cancer and had their cervix and more removed. Once removed we lose our ability to have children one day!

It also does emotional damage. Many girls feel less of a woman not having their cervix. Many of the girls have no idea that they have HPV, but believe me, they ALL do. We all work together with the same people. We all give it to each other. Multiple strains! I have worked several different occasions with several different people knowing that they worked everyday just like me.

Speaking of working everyday and speaking of our agents not telling us about the things we can do to protect ourselves, is they take advantage of us by booking us everyday. It is very harmful to our bodies to work everyday! Think about this:

Say once inside my vagina you have 3-4 inches before reaching my cervix, and then is my uterus. I was performing with men that had 12 inch long penises. Now imagine this forceful male organ smashing up my precious life giving organs!! Fitting all the way inside my body!! Where does 12 inches go??!! So an agent is happily booking a girl everyday and in my case sometimes even twice to 3 times a day!! Imagine the damage we are doing to ourselves physically and mentally!! The money blindsides and confuses the men and women actors.

It could seem like you have nobody to trust.

Imagine that you are me. I fly to Los Angeles from Florida (when first beginning) not knowing anybody out here to work for this agent that promised to help me build my career and help me with anything I needed. They exaggerate the lifestyle. Flaunt Fame, parties, freedom, and drugs in your face.

Technically they work for me, right? Well, they don’t care, and use and abuse you. Your fellow ‘actors’ don’t care. Now imagine that your family and friends find out. Do a porno scene and see how quickly your friends will turn on you and judge you. Saying you are a slut. I considered myself more a ”pro whore”. Legal and legit. Obviously accepted since my whole life porn has been all around. You see men leering at woman in society and the woman playing it off like it’s an everyday thing. Imagine getting a phone call from your uncle saying you “ruined his favorite website”. Oh boy the creepiness. It leaves you with this sick dark feeling inside.

Plus on several occasions, the agent will keep your money and not give it to you. They can tell the company to give the check to them not us and even put it in their name!

Once an agent told me that if I didn’t sleep with this director, then he wouldn’t book any of the other girls any more! And since the agent at the moment was making me the “main girl” (which means it’s my job to make sure the girls don’t fight and do what he says) putting pressure and manipulation are very common. Being an agent must feel pretty powerful.

Being in control, being a legal pimp. Prostituting women and making money off of them! This should not be legal.

Drugs. Sex and drugs seem to come together quite a bit in this job field.

I have been on set numerous types for different companies, where they will ask what alcohol I want, and go to the store and get it for me.

Encouraging the girls to drink so that in the scenes they will open up more and do things that they normally would consider a boundary. I have also been offered pain pills on set. Working everyday can make a girl very sore!! Inflamed!! So instead of seeing that I am in pain and shouldn’t do the scene, they would give me pain pills (Vicodin). Without the pills I was in so much pain and would just lay in an Epsom salt bath all day after work.

Finding this outlet led to mine and MANY other girls, pill popping addiction. Of course I didn’t know I had a problem until later on. Pain pills led to morphine, and cocaine. Drugs freely given to all the girls to loosen them up. Nobody considering the law or the consequences.

A lot of times, you show up on set and they have changed what they booked you for. You can think you are going to do a girl on girl scene, and when you arrive they say that you are doing a B/B/G/G (boy,boy,girl,girl). This is something totally different!! So you call your agent and they say, should we ask for more money!! No consideration of, oh, sorry about that, or they can’t do that, or HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS?

In one instant I was doing a boy/girl scene. Meaning just me and a boy. Before a scene you can say “don’t do these certain things” such as don’t hit me in the face, don’t put your finger in my butt, don’t bite me. I will tap you instead of saying a safety word.

We start the scene and immediately he starts throwing me around like a rag doll. And this guy is known to do this with every girl. (Of course I didn’t know this until later, as I had never worked with him and my agent gave no warning) he starts thrusting me very forcefully and is on me pushing into my stomach causing even more pain. I tell him to lighten up a bit or try a different position. So he starts biting me, hard!

I say stop. Okay- if you say stop or ouch in a scene the director must cut! It eventually led to me crying saying out loud “stop, ouch, director stop the scene” the director did not stop the scene. And the man would not get off me and stop throwing me around like a doll. The other girls came in onto my set from the dressing room and asked if I was okay. Director ignored them and so did camera crew. And the most shocking thing about this scene is that the company continued on to put this scene on DVD!! I haven’t watched it, but I bet you can even see me crying with it all chopped up and edited. Once again, just trying to make a buck off the women.

I have many experiences in the 3 years I have been in porn. All I know is that nothing good/healthy or beneficial came out of this career.

I still have flashbacks of many things at random times throughout the day and every time a guy gives me a “look” I get creeped out and feel like he is perving on me. Sometimes I worry people might follow me or become obsessed (which does happen). This has changed my life, and left many scars but I’m determined not to let it keep me down, and to use my experience and knowledge to help other women. At least let them know the truth about porn.

Shelley is doing a great job helping us learn to love ourselves and respect ourselves and find day jobs, go back to school, leave our agents and become clean of drugs. She is a great woman and has helped many of my friends.

Porn Star Statement #2
The following is a partial statement which was submitted to the State of California in May, 2008, by a porn actress who is trying to leave the porn industry for good. She asked me to leave out some details as they may give away who she is. She tells me “one day soon my face and name and story will be for the world to know”. Please pray God would rescue her completely and provide for all her needs!

(Beware of adult conversation)

Note to porn stars: If you are tired of the abuse and want to submit your statement to make your voice heard please contact me at info@thepinkcross.org. I will make sure your name is protected if you wish to remain anonymous.

I worked in the porn industry from 2003 until present. I am still in porn. I was raped on the set, I’ve been fed drugs, forced to perform obscene acts and caught Chlamydia and Gonorrhea several times and have had over 10 staph infections which brought me to near death. I am now unable to have children.
I’ve been forced to work when I am bleeding from injury. I’ve been locked in a room and not allowed to leave until I finished my scene. I’ve been forced to reveal my personal life on camera.

I have been threatened that I would be sued if I didn’t finish a scene. I have shown up to the set thinking it was a scene when instead it turned out to be a “private” which is prostitution.

I hope that you hear my mine and Shelley’s message.

I started in the industry when I was 19. I first started because I needed money. I was on my own and I did not know where to go for money. I needed it quick or I was going to lose my room in an apartment. I found an ad in the L.A. Weekly for girls to make money fast. I called it up and a man asked me to go and meet him at his apartment in Santa Monica. I went and met him and 10 minutes later, I’m doing my first movie. I went back a couple times and did movies with him. He soon offered me a job in his office being an Assistant. I worked doing talent, paperwork and cutting movies, sometimes making movies if the talent did not show up. So you could say I was living a semi regular life. But still hurting my spirit at times. It came to a point where I was tired of the job and I wanted to be talent in the industry just not for the website. I got attracted to the attention and the money girls were getting. I wanted that too. The nice clothes a better car. Something about being a porn star seemed glamorous. Boy was I wrong!

My boss tried to warn me about getting deeper in the industry. A girl even committed suicide around that time. She was depressed because of her life in the industry and killed herself. I still left my job and went toward becoming a porn star. I called a company called New Sensations to try to do my first movie. They booked me right away. I remember being excited. And I also remember them letting me shoot without a full panel STD test. I had my HIV but not STD’s. I did the scene and got through it. I then had to go take a full panel test so I could shoot more. I found out 2 days later that I had caught gonorrhea in my first scene! As quick as that the glamour of being a porn star was gone. In the five years I was shooting I caught Gonorrhea and Chlamydia many times. Sometimes both at the same time about every 3-5 months. Catching these STD’s makes you so sick! Your stomach hurts your back and my private parts were on fire of pain. It sucked! And also you get yeast infections and bladder infections pretty often too. A lot of people get herpes. I was lucky that I didn’t.

I continued in the industry because my life was ruled by a porn star lifestyle. And this lifestyle was very destructive. Besides catching STD’s as a porn star, there were more bad things. I soon became friends with other porn girls and we would do nothing but drink all day. Or take pain killers all day. I soon got addicted to alcohol and pain killers (Vicodin and narcotics). You first start taking pain killers to get through your scenes, especially anal. Even agents would tell their girls to take them so they could do a good scene and the agent would get a pat on the back by directors for having such good talent.

My addiction grew and I would drive home from shoots totally trashed. If I would have been pulled over I would have gone to jail for a D.U.I for sure! I even had good friends call me asking me to pick them up from their shoot because they were too fucked up to drive home. It was sad because the companies that would shoot us would know what was going on and they would even support it sometimes. A lot of times when I shot for certain companies, I would know I didn’t need to bring my own alcohol because it would always be on set for them and the talent. Note: It’s completely illegal to give talent alcohol or drugs when they are shooting. I even got hurt on set where the director and all the crew knew I was drinking. I had to go to the hospital because they didn’t clear off the set properly and I ran into glass and had to get 8 stitches on my ankle. I went back and did the shoot because I wanted to be a “good porn star” for the company. I wanted to get more work from them maybe even a contract. That didn’t happen. I wish I would have thought about myself.

Four years into the industry I finally took a step out of my porn life box and looked at all the abuse that was going on around me with myself and others. I practically took a whole year off. I was able to quit my pain killer addiction. It got so bad I would take them for anything whether it was going to the market, going out with friends. I was lucky I never got addicted to coke. I had a lot friends that did because it was always around. Even speed and crack. I never touched those drugs but I remember porn stars that did. And probably they did it to take away the pain of their porn star lifestyle.

I went back making movies again the next year. I needed money and I didn’t know anything else for myself to make money. Porn was all I knew. I still had a bad alcohol problem and I would take pills to do my scenes again because I simply didn’t feel comfortable. I didn’t need to take pills or drink a lot to have sex in my personal life. One day after a scene, where I was drinking and had taken pain killers my heart stopped!!! I couldn’t take this anymore.

I took another big break and did a lot of traveling seeing what the world has to offer. And I found there’s so much more out there that’s way better than being a porn star. When I returned home I got a regular job at a Friends retail store. But because I still had an expensive porn star lifestyle that was meaningless I couldn’t pay all my bills. So I tried to go back shooting but there wasn’t much work because of economy right now and no one was shooting. Then my agent offered me in his words an “opportunity” to go work at the Bunny Ranch (basically a legal whore house) I sadly said okay at that moment. I went home extremely sad about this. At this time God started coming into my life a little at a time. So I went to church got on my knees crying to God for another way for me then the Bunny Ranch. God gave me answer to my prayer the next morning. A friend called me real early and invited me to Brazil for a month to get away from the world I was tired of living in. God is so great!!!

So I went to Brazil and started my relationship with God. Learning the teaching of Jesus and growing with the Holy Spirit by my side. I started reading a book “A Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. Wow! That book changed my life!! God bless that book. My relationship with God is so awesome now and getting better each day. I am now saved and living in Salvation of the Lord now and forever.

While I was in Brazil getting away from the world, I got a message on my Myspace from Shelley Lubben form the Pink Cross foundation. She had noticed I quit the industry and she was just sending me love and hope in the message and it was so special to me. I then looked at the Pink Cross website and saw what it was all about. I was so excited to see that someone like Shelley existed and her foundation! I read it over and it felt so good to see that there were other girls out there struggling with the same things. I saw that I wasn’t alone and there was help.

When I came back home from Brazil I had a big box in the mail from Shelley. She sent me the sweetest Christmas gift I got this year. I was in tears of the support and love that she was giving me. I called her right after I opened it to thank her and she was so sweet it felt like talking to a mother that was nothing but understanding and had not bit a judgmental towards me. She then asked me to go to AVN to help reach out to the girls. I told her I’d think about it. But then I watched Shelley’s DVD of her testimony and it wow’d me. I was so grateful for her letting out her demons in her past and showing all the magic of her present life. It gave me a real sense of relief and joy to think that my life could be better too.

Right then I knew I was going to the AVN show in Vegas and stand by her side as someone she has saved through her testimony and foundation. I got my Dad to give me a ride to Vegas because I’m low on cash and it wasn’t going to be easy going by myself. I just told him about Shelley and her foundation and how positive her and her foundation was to me and everyone else. He was happy to be apart of it. Note my dad and I didn’t have a great relationship because of my time in the industry but right then and there my Dad and I became close again. It felt so special to have him supporting me again. I forgot how this felt.

AVN came around and I went to Vegas with hardly any money and no room to stay in but lots of hope and love and support of the Holy Spirit. I knew if I took the Holy Spirit with me it was going to be okay. Right away I got a hold of Shelley and she met me at registration booth for the first time. She was so beautiful and full of love. We were able to get me in to the convention for free! And Shelley had a hotel room I could stay in. It was already going well.

We got into the convention and I met other ex porn stars who gave me support at the Pink Cross booth and everyone was super sweet. We gave hugs to each other like we already knew each other. We then passed out gifts to the porn stars signing. And it was really great to go around and show love to porn stars I knew and didn’t know and showing them that there’s people that care about them, not their looks or their sex abilities but really care about them as a person. Some girls had tears in their eyes from just hearing me say we love you at Pink Cross. It was almost like no one ever cared for them and they saw someone who did. That’s what happens in the industry. You don’t know who cares for you in a loving manner anymore.

Some girls asked me why I quit and after I told them the rough beginning to the sweet end of my story they said “Awww, I want to go with you”. And I want to bring them with me. Out of my five years of being at AVN convention where I signed for Shane’s World, Playboy, Jules Jordan, etc.., this time was my best time ever. I didn’t drink which I would do very heavily there. I didn’t take pills or do drugs. And I went with nothing but support from Shelley and the Pink Cross Foundation and the Holy Spirit. IT WAS THE BEST TIME I EVER HAD IN VEGAS!!! Shelley and her foundation are super and I love the support they give and I feel really blessed to help them give support back to others in the industry. I’m now seeing this is a big calling from God.

Patrice and Shelley at Pink Cross Foundation booth at AVN Porn Convention in 2009.To see more pictures of Patrice reaching out to porn stars click here.

A HUGE THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING PINK CROSS FOUNDATION!

Before I ever did this stuff I was an average girl. I was definitely a little different in some ways but for the most part I was pretty average. Well, I’ve made some pretty poor choices in my life. I take full responsibility for each one. I’ve seen a side of the world that nobody would want to see. It’s evil, dark and very manipulative.

People in the porn industry are numb to real life and are like zombies walking around doing what they have become so accustomed to. It’s really sad. It’s really painful to see. You have no idea how badly their feelings have been hurt. The abuse that goes on in this industry is completely ridiculous. The way these young ladies are treated is totally sick and brainwashing. I left due to the trauma I experienced even through that short time. The industry forgets that these little girls are human and no human on earth deserves to be abused such as they are.

I just really wanted to justify myself to those who have no idea what goes on in the porn industry or inside the minds of these young jaded girls. Most of us didn’t dream of becoming porn stars, we some how fell into it. Some of us believed once you’re in, there is no way out. WRONG. I got out. I will never go back! What does not kill me will make me stronger. God will never let me down, even during the worst of times.

I am so thankful to have been brought back to God through all this. My one and only God! He feels the void inside my heart and the empty space deep inside my soul with unfailing love and never ending mercy. He is the one and only solution to our lives. I am grateful for each and every single day because I have Jesus Christ by my side. He has given me so much hope and I am more than 110% positive that through Jesus Christ all things are possible!

When it comes to life, its how you handle the circumstances you’ve been put under and what you choose to do about it that makes you who are today. I have decided to not let the past break me but instead to make me even better than I would have been before.

I would like to thank the Pink Cross for the amazing support they have shown and given me. Without the Pink Cross, I would not be able to share my story or come clean like this. I love the Pink Cross and everything they are doing to stop the porn industry, as it really does kill the souls of the people who enter. Thank you so much Shelley. God has really used your past to give us hope and through him, to help save us.

I would like to thank God for putting Shelley and the Pink Cross together to help save the lives and put an end to the abuse of the wicked porn industry. Thank you Pink Cross. I am truly thankful.

I also wanted to acknowledge the hard times I put other people around me through. I am sorry. You didn’t deserve to be hurt like that. I wish you all the best. You know who I am talking to.

Amber AKA Jessie Jewels

My work name was Genevieve and I want to tell you that the porn industry is not glamorous at all. Although on the surface it may appear to be fun and enjoyable, it really doesn’t compare to what lies beneath the surface.

I started in porn in 2009 when I was only twenty years old.

I loved and craved attention. I always believed that I was porn material because of how much attention I would get and how much love I would feel from it. My mother and father divorced five years ago and because of the emptiness I had felt for so long, I was desperate for love.

I remember browsing through ads on Craigslist when I approached one that attracted me. It was an ad that was for Latina women and it said that they needed pretty, slender, curvy girls to make fast and easy money. I was astonished because I needed the money to pay for school and clothes and I was going to get the attention I always loved and wanted.

I emailed the agents and believe it or not, they replied that same day. I was pretty excited to get to be a part of something that I wanted to do when they called me and told me to meet them that same day.

We went to a hotel and they started taking naked pictures of me so they could send them to two major companies in Florida. The next day, I went to the company and they also took naked pictures of me.

My First Shoot

At the shoot, I was nervous and scared. I never did anything on camera before and I was thinking was how it would feel to actually do something that the whole world was going to see. So to brush off my anxiety, I drank extra fluids and was given some vodka to lower my inhibitions.

I waited desperately to start my video, make the money, and leave. But not only did starting the video take time, making it was also very painful and time consuming. At the time, I thought that porn was fast and easy. But they wanted to take so many pictures. So not only did the pictures take time, but the lighting and sex positions needed to be perfect.

My experience was very bad and I didn’t enjoy it at all when they started filming. I was so surprised because when I watched porn, it didn’t seem like it would be so hard to have sex on camera.

I didn’t do the sexual positions right and to conclude the experience, I had bodily fluids all over my face that had to stay on my face for ten minutes. The abuse and degradation was rough. I sweated and was in deep pain. On top of the horrifying experience, my whole body ached, and I was irritable the whole day. The director didn’t really care how I felt; he only wanted to finish the video.

I thought my agents were there for me, but in actuality, they didn’t care about me at all.

After I said I wasn’t going to do anything anymore, they began to threaten me and make me feel like I was just a money making machine. Every time I made a video they would get 15% of my money.

It’s a terrible business. Women are used solely as sex objects and nothing more. The actresses are treated like dollar bills and there is no compassion and no comfort provided.

All I know is that porn is not what people think.

Hope In the Face of Hopelessness

The only hope I ever got from this devastating time was through the Pink Cross. Honestly, if it weren’t for Pink Cross, I would be dead.

Shelley Lubben has truly been my inspiration and I hope that I become like her one day. She is very personalized with the sex workers rather than passive or aloof like many people who have organizations. She not only gave me advice, but also helped me get closer to God. She gave me a gift bag filled with lipstick, a book about God, and a signature letter telling me how special I am and how she was happy about how courageous I had been.

Before the Pink Cross, I felt like there was really no hope. But when I sought a way out of darkness, I started contemplating ways to help other people who have been or are becoming sex workers. My goal is to help people who have no other confidant, to help them learn that there are other pathways in life, and to see how God can help them find it.

Everything happens for a reason. I know that being in the sex industry was risky for me, but what I got from it was something bigger than life – the motivation to help those who can’t get out, or feel like there is no other way out.

Sometimes I regret what I did, but then I think to myself, “When one door closes, another one opens.” I know now that there is something more to live for. Special thanks to the Pink Cross and also God because without his love there is nothing to live for.

- Genevieve

Sex-packed porn films featuring freshly-dyed blondes whose evocative eyes say “I want you” is quite possibly one of the greatest deceptions of all time. Trust me, I know. I did it all the time and I did it for the lust of power and the love of money. I never liked sex. I never wanted sex, and in fact I was more apt to spend time with Jack Daniels than some of the studs I was paid to “fake it” with. That’s right, none of us freshly-dyed blondes like doing porn. In fact, we hate it. We hate being touched by strangers who care nothing about us. We hate being degraded with their foul smells and sweaty bodies. Some women hate it so much they can be heard vomiting in the bathroom between scenes. Others can be found outside smoking an endless chain of Marlboro lights… But the porn industry wants YOU to think we porn actresses love sex. They want you to think we enjoy being degraded by all kinds of repulsive acts. The truth, porn actresses have showed up on the set not knowing about certain requirements and were told by porn producers to do it or leave without being paid. Work or never work again. Yes, we made the choice. Some of us needed the money. But we were manipulated and coerced and even threatened. Some of us caught HIV as a result of that coercion. I personally caught Herpes, a non-curable sexually transmitted disease. Another porn actress went home after a long night of numbing her pain and put a pistol to her head and pulled the trigger. Now she’s dead. It’s safe to say most women who turn to porn acting as a money-making enterprise, probably didn’t grow up in healthy childhoods either. Indeed, many actresses admit they’ve experienced sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse and neglect by parents. Some were raped by relatives and molested by neighbors. When we were little girls we wanted to play with dollies and be mommies, not have big scary men get on top of us. So we were taught at a young age that sex made us valuable. The same horrible violations we experienced then, we relive as we perform our tricks in front of the camera. And we hate every minute of it. We’re traumatized little girls living on anti-depressants, drugs and alcohol acting out our pain in front of you who continue to abuse us. As we continue to traumatize ourselves by making more adult films, we use more and more drugs and alcohol. We live in constant fear of catching AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases. Every time there’s an HIV scare we race to the nearest clinic for an emergency checkup. Pornographers insist on giving viewers the fantasy sex they demand all the while sacrificing the very ones who make it happen. In other words, no condoms allowed. Herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, and other diseases are the normal anxieties we walk around with daily. We get tested monthly but we know testing isn’t prevention. Besides worrying about catching diseases from porn sex, there are other harmful activities we engage in that are also very dangerous. Some of us have had physical tearing and damage to internal body parts. When porn actresses call it a day and head home we attempt to have normal healthy relationships, but some of our boyfriends get jealous and physically abuse us. So instead we marry our porn directors, while others prefer lesbian relationships. It’s a real memory making moment when our daughter accidentally walks out and sees mommy kissing another girl. My daughter will vouch for that one. On our days off we walk around like zombies with a beer in one hand and a shot of whiskey in the other. We aren’t up to cleaning so we live in filth most of the time, or we hire a sweet foreign lady to come in and clean up our mess. Porn actresses aren’t the best cooks either. Ordering in is normal for us and most of the time we throw up after we eat because we’re bulimic. For porn actresses who have children, we are the world’s worst mothers. We yell and scream and hit our kids for no reason. Most of the time we are intoxicated or high, and our four year olds are the ones picking us up off the floor. When clients come over for sex, we lock our children in their rooms and tell them to be quiet. I used to give my daughter a beeper and tell her to wait at the park until I was finished. The truth is there is no fantasy in porn. It’s all a lie. A closer look into the scenes of a porn star’s life will show you a movie that the porn industry doesn’t want you to see. The real truth is we porn actresses want to end the shame and trauma of our lives but we can’t do it alone. We need you men to fight for our freedom and give us back our honor. We need you to hold us in your strong arms while we sob tears over our deep wounds and begin to heal. We want you throw out our movies and help piece together the shattered fragments of our lives. We need you to pray for us so God will hear and repair our ruined lives. So don’t believe the lie anymore. Porn is nothing more than fake sex and lies on videotape. Trust me, I know. Porn is not glamorous. Get the facts. Get help. Dedicated to all porn actors who died from HIV, suicide, homocide and drug related deaths. Their voices will be heard now.

Original Link : http://www.thepinkcross.org/pinkcross-articles/september-2008/the-truth-behind-fantasy-porn

In over 25 years I have treated approximately 350 males afflicted with sexual addictions (sometimes referred to as: sexual compulsions). In about 94% of the cases I have found that pornography was a contributor, facilitator or direct causal agent in the acquiring of these sexual illnesses. Patrick Carnes, the leading U.S. researcher in this area, also reports similar findings. In his research on nearly 1000 sex addicts as reported in his “Dan ‘t Call it Love”, he stated: “Among all addicts surveyed 90% of the men and 77% of the women reported pornography as significant to their addiction.”

I found that nearly all of my adult sexual addicts’ problems started with porn exposure in childhood or adolescence (often eight years and older). The typical pattern was exposure to mild porn or sexual abuse (by friends, sibs, older individuals, or accidentally discovering the father’s porn) with increasing frequency of exposure over time and eventual later addiction. This was nearly always sooner or later accompanied by masturbation.

This addiction was followed by an increasing desensitization to the materials’ pathology, escalation to increasingly varied, aberrant, and “rougher” kinds of erotic materials, and eventually to acting out the sexual fantasies they were exposed to. This might include exhibitionism, voyeurism, obscene phone calls, soliciting prostitutes, brief affairs, and even on occasion child molest and forced sex , most of the damage was through compulsive infidelity (sometimes infecting the wife with venereal diseases) and a destruction of trust in the marital bond which in many cases ultimately led to divorce and a breaking up of the family.

Many wives found their husband preferring fantasy sex (they would catch them masturbating to pornography) rather than make love with them, their partner. This had devastating effects on the marriage. One of my (patient) wives, in great pain, confronted her husband, “What do you see in those two dimensional faceless women that I can’t give you as a loving wife–who is flesh and blood, a real person and committed to you?” The men never had an answer. To some extent they enjoyed sexual relations with their wives but most preferred the fantasy sex with masturbation because “these women” could do anything and were perfect inform and appearance! While some wives initially blamed themselves as possibly being responsible for their husband’s problem they soon found that being extra affectionate with the husband in their intimate relations never solved the problem or stopped the “acting out” behavior or the constant lies and deception.

I found that once addicted, whether to just the pornography or the later pattern of sexual acting out–they really had lost their “free agency.” It was like a drug addiction. And in this case their drug was sex. They could not stop the pattern of their behavior no matter how high risk it was for them or terrible the potential consequences.

In one case I had my patient give me a check for $1,000 which I put in a special bank account. Since his sexual acting out was always preceded by pornography exposure I thought we could possibly break the pattern by first stopping the pornography addiction.

So I made an agreement with him that he could have his money back in 90 days if he could be 100% sober with regards to exposure to any kind of pornography. Since he was extremely tight with money this appealed to him and he agreed. He knew that he would do nothing foolish to lose that much money. If he failed the test, however, the money would go to charity (not myself, I didn’t want to profit by his weakness nor have any reason to want him to fail). Unfortunately on the 87th day he relapsed.

Since he had come so close to getting his money back I agreed to give him a second chance. I figured that if he could go 87 days sober, surely he could make 90. He was delighted to get a second chance. However 14 days later he relapsed again and confessed to me that even if he had given me $10,000 it wouldn’t have made any difference–he would still have relapsed. He could not control himself nor his behavior no matter what the consequences. I never used that technique again to break addictive behavior. It just didn’t work. Promises, good intentions, will power, threat of job loss, the possibility of divorce, frequent reading of the scriptures or even imprisonment do not deter the behavior. None of these work.

Both from my 30 years clinical work as well as frequent reviews of the literature convinces me that at least one major avenue leading to the creation of these kinds of addictions is through a process of masturbatory conditioning. The work of R. J. McGuire suggests that exposure to special sexual experiences (which could include pornography), and then masturbating to the fantasy of this exposure, can cultivate a desire to participate in these deviant sexual acts. And it’s just a matter of time before this happens.

The best evidence to date suggests that most or all sexual deviations are learned behaviors, usually through inadvertent or accidental conditioning. There is no convincing evidence, to date, suggesting the hereditary transmission of any pathological sexual behavior pattern such as rape, incest, pedophilia, voyeurism. exhibitionism, or promiscuity.

As one researcher in this area, Dr. R. J. McGuire explains it, as a man repeatedly masturbates to a vivid sexual fantasy as his exclusive outlet, the pleasurable experience endows the deviant fantasy (rape, molesting children, exposing oneself, voyeurism, promiscuity, etc.) with increasing erotic value. The orgasm experienced then provides the critical reinforcing event for the conditioning of the fantasy preceding or accompanying the act. McGuire indicates that any type of sexual deviation can be acquired in this way, that it may include several unrelated deviations in one individual and that it cannot be eliminated even by massive feelings of guilt. His paper cites many case histories to illustrate this type of conditioning. Other related studies by D. R. Evans and B. T. Jackson support his thesis. They found that deviant masturbatory fantasy very significantly affected the habit strength of the subject’s sexual deviation.

In the treatment of hundreds of primarily male patients with sexual pathology (paraphilias) it has consistently been found that most men are vulnerable to the effects of masturbatory conditioning to pornography with a consequence of sexual ill health. We, especially males, are all subject to the laws of learning with few or no exceptions. Any individual who does this is at risk of becoming, in time, a sexual addict, as well as conditioning himself into having a sexual deviancy and/or disturbing a bonded relationship with a spouse or girlfriend. Being more intelligent increases the risk (in my judgement) because of the increased capacity to fantasize.

A frequent side effect is that it also dramatically reduces their capacity to love (e.g. it results in a marked dissociation of sex from friendship, affection, caring, and other normal healthy emotions and traits which help marital and family relationships). This sexual side becomes in a sense dehumanized.

Most addicts develop an “alien ego state” (or dark side), whose core is antisocial lust devoid of most values. Raw id, in a sense. Or the “natural man.” In time, the “high” obtained from masturbating to pornography becomes more important than real life relationships. It has been commonly thought by health educators that masturbation has negligible consequences, other than reducing sexual tension. Moral objections aside, there is at least one other exception. This would appear to be in the area of repeatedly masturbating to deviant pornographic imagery (either as memories in the mind or with explicit external pornographic stimuli which risks (via conditioning) the acquiring of sexual addictions and/or other sexual pathology. It makes no difference if one is an eminent physician, attorney, minister, athlete, corporate executive, college president, unskilled laborer, or an average 15 year old boy or President of the U.S. All can be conditioned into deviancy. The process of masturbatory conditioning is inexorable and does not spontaneously remiss.

The course of this illness may be slow and is nearly always hidden from view. It is usually a secret part of the man’s life, and like a cancer, it keeps growing and spreading. It rarely ever reverses itself, and is also very difficult to treat and heal. Denial on the part of the male addict and refusal to confront the problem are typical and predictable, and this almost always leads to marital or couple disharmony, sometimes divorce, and sometimes the breaking up of other valued relationships.

One researcher, Stanley Rachman, demonstrated in the laboratory how sexual deviations could be created in adult male subjects. He was actually able to condition, in two separate experiments, 100% of his male subjects into a sexual deviancy (fetishism). .

There are many approaches to treatment which usually involve individual work with a psychotherapist who has skills in successfully treating this kind of illness plus being in a 12 step group/program such as Sexaholics Anonymous. There are no costs being in such a group which is patterned after the original A. A. model. It has at its core a spiritual dimension. I have found it very helpful with this condition.

I have personally found the following approach to yield the most successful outcomes for at least the type of patient population which I work with: males 15-75 from mainly middle social class backgrounds, often religious, and motivated to change (because of the threat of divorce, loss of job, family, prison, etc.).

1. If the patient is married I attempt to have the wife participate in treatment. She has been traumatized repeatedly by the husband’s problem, broken promises, many lies, and she usually has a huge trust issue with him and may be debating divorce. I see them together so that the wife knows everything that goes on in treatment and we address her fears, depression, the kids acting-out as well as their stressed marriage.

2. In the first interview I have the husband outline the problem and ask him what he wants me to do. It is important that he take some initiative in his healing. Then I turn to the wife and ask if she has anything to add or correct or give her point of view of what her goals for therapy are. If on the verge of divorce-determine if she wants out or wants to stay and help or to stay long enough to see if he can change or start healing of his addiction. I talk about the importance of the wife being a part of the healing team. It goes faster if both are involved. Both are wounded. Both need help. However there is one unchangeable rule: NO SECRETS. I tell them that secrets “kill you”. They take away your power.” They create shame and guilt. And even though there might be some relapses (usually minor) during treatment these need to be talked about openly in therapy or they are wasting their time and money if these are not disclosed and worked with. I tell them that most people I know who are kicking the cigarette habit, quit 15 times before they finally really quit. Anything hidden–the spouse always sooner or later finds out about. So right to begin with: no secrets! The lies and deceptions have to stop or he won’t get well.

3. I next take a history of the man’s exposure to pornography and masturbation to it and sexual acting out in the wife’s presence. This helps her understand more clearly that in some ways her husband was a victim too starting at an early age. I next inquire about possible sexual abuse or early seduction of the husband as a child or adolescent, which may have eroticized him prematurely.

In taking this history I start with his first memory of exposure to pornography, what its form was (internet, magazine, video, phone sex, topless bars etc.) how old he was at the time and if he masturbated to it–and continue up to today (day of interview). Was there “other” acting out? I tell the husband that I don’t want all of the tiny nitty-gritty details. Only the main essentials. I do this to protect the wife from being exposed to unnecessary sordid details. These may needlessly torment or traumatize her. But she still needs to know what he did generally so she can decided whether to ever forgive him. This also means that the slate is clean. There’s a “level playing field.” There are no more surprises. It also means that the husband can treat his wife as a confidant on any matter in this area. She already knows it all. It takes a great burden off of him. He no longer has to “hide out” and lie anymore.

4. Then I establish a sobriety date (the date of last exposure) for all the different forms of porn or sexual acting out that he was involved with as well a the last time he masturbated. At each succeeding visit I recheck these sobriety dates. If there has been a relapse then I do relapse prevention work with him, identifying triggers that set him off, and seek ways to circumvent these. And also fortify him against the “wave” (of temptation).

5. I next explain to the wife that her husband has lost his free agency. And that’ s why promises don’t work. At this point he shouldn’t make promises that he can’t keep. Good intentions mean nothing. Her husband may intend well and really want to quit because of the terrible painful consequences but he literally cannot do this by himself yet. He has to have highly specialized help. Unfortunately at the present time most therapists do not know how to treat sexual addictions. Self control and self discipline or a rational approach generally doesn’t change anything. With most people I see who are deeply addicted prayers and scripture reading are usually not enough to solve the problem even though I believe that God could instantly cure the problem if He so chose. In most cases He lets the individual work it through the long way probably because he will in the future be more likely to voluntarily choose to not repeat this very destructive behavior–of his own accord.

6. I tell both husband and wife about the “wave” which periodically hits the patient and overwhelms him with temptation. This is something most men cannot resist. One of the goals of therapy is to prepare the man to face and defeat the wave. These waves vary in intensity and frequency from several times a day to once a year or even less. Between the waves–the man feels at peace and has the mistaken notion that he has his power and can resist anything. But this is an illusion and is only temporary until the next wave hits him.
I explain to the couple that as a therapist I’m like a guide to Mount Everest. I can show them how to get there but they have to walk every step of the way. They have to do all the work. I assure them there is a good possibility that they can heal. But like an alcoholic when sober, in the future they have to be careful not to expose themselves to high risk situations. I also explain that they are not mentally ill in the classical sense but that have an addiction which powerfully controls their life–somewhat like being on crack cocaine. And the journey to freedom will not be easy. It will require an enormous commitment on their part to become whole again.

7. I assign both to read Patrick Games book, “Our of the Shadows” (Compcare Publications) and Stephen Kramer’s “Worth of a Soul.” (Randall Book Publ.) Then later: Games newer book: “Don’t call it love.”

8. I assign the husband to start attending S.A. (Sexaholics Anonymous) which is a 12 step program, spiritually based. In these groups we petition the help of a Higher Power, or God, or Jesus Christ to bless us and cleanse us of our addiction. There are chapters in nearly every city in America. They are free. To find where and when one meets call Alcoholics Anonymous (in all the phone books). They will know. Your client may start with a newcomers group first, then graduate to the step-study group after a few months. For wives that have been badly traumatized by their husband’s behavior they may wish to attend S-Anon (for the spouses of offenders) or even later occasionally join with their husbands at their S.A. meetings if allowed. They (the husbands) need to attend 90% of their weekly meetings for this to work and be truly healing. If the individual is relapsing at high rates they may need to attend up to three or four nights a week in order to achieve sobriety and break the stranglehold of their addiction. Thus the client regularly attends a no cost S.A. program. And he also has a private therapist who works with both he and his wife. The therapist will tailor treatment to the unique aspects of his addiction, hold him responsible for doing the things that he can still do with his free will, assist the wife with her doubts and concerns as well as anxiety and trauma which she has been dealing with. And the therapist will also answer many questions, do relapse prevention work, “fire drills”, and do those many things which the group cannot do for him.

9. At these S.A. meetings they need, in time, to locate a “sponsor” which is someone who has been sober (no relapses) for a lengthy period of time who they can call (phone) in an emergency which are those occasions when the wave hits them and they are strongly tempted to act out. Their sponsor can help them stay sober–he’s like a life guard.

10. Because the compulsion to act out is so overpowering you give them a mental set to just stay sober one day at a time. Think only of making it today. If you focus on a longer time period you may be setting yourself up for failure. Just get through today.

11. Through close interviewing identify triggers which activate the wave (e.g. looking at porn, seeing girls in skimpy clothes, after a fight with their spouse or the spouse being out of town, driving by an adult bookstore, walking into any video store, viewing hard-R or X films, looking at ladies bra and panty ads ) and then plan strategies to avoid these or deal with them. Example: if going on a business trip and being in a hotel with access to porn movies, when checking in the hotel request the front desk to block out those channels. Call their wives at 9:00 P.M. each evening when away,

12. Thought-stopping: When your client is stimulated or aroused by sexual fantasy which can lead to masturbation and the acting out cycle tell them that they have only three seconds to block or stop the thought or imagery. At the top of their voice they should yell STOP (or scream it silently if others are nearby) and visualize a policeman with handcuffs approaching–holding a big sign with the words STOP on it. This will kick the offending imagery off the mind screen briefly. But then they have to bring to mind an event in their life that has very powerful emotional significance (either positive or negative) which they ruminate about. In other words they fight fire with fire, a strong sexual fantasy with an equally powerful contrasting kind– such as they time they helped their team win the game, a surprise birthday party, or even the death of a very close friend.. But it must be something powerful emotionally.

13. Practice”fire drills.” Present to them imaginary situations which they might have to face in real life which would expose them to temptation. How would they handle it? Process their responses in great detail so if something like this should happen they would be mentally prepared to deal with it. Example: a friend at work wants to show them his latest porn. How would they handle it? The wife, of course, is listening to all of this and participating as she chooses.

14. No more masturbation. Stop masturbating. That risks further conditioning into deviancy. Recognize that this may be difficult and not even possible immediately. But have them keep a record of those days where this occurs and strive for reducing its frequency but especially–if they do it–refrain from fantasizing deviant imagery. In contrast have them imagine loving their spouse at this time. Check their calendar at each session. See if they can slow it down with the ultimate goal of being free of this behavior. Our experience is that this is not an impossible goal. Many addicts do quit.

15. Do marriage counseling. Do those things that will help improve their marital relationship. Give them assignments to have fun together, improve intimacy, take marriage seminars, participate in sports of their choice together, be friends, etc.

16. Do stress reduction therapy. If they have financial problems work out solutions or refer them to agencies that can help here. If they have out-of-control children give them support in dealing with this. Or if the wife suffers greatly put her in a non-S.A. 12 step program–just to provide her with a support group and place where she can be nurtured.

17. When relapses occur don’t “beat them up” but point out the positives, what can be learned that will protect them in the future, that this is just part of a growth experience. Give them hope. Point out all the progress made in other areas and all the good things done.

18. Have them keep a daily journal recording fantasies and behaviors. Then review and process these during therapy.

19. Give them further books to read such as Patrick Carnes later books like “Contrary to Love” and the more recent, “Don’t Call It Love”. Also the S.A. Big Books (with lots of case histories and biographies of recovering addicts stories).

20. Other techniques used include: apology sessions, medications like depo provera to temporarily reduce the sex drive including eliminating sex fantasies, autobiography, covert sensitization, family of origin work, developing a sobriety contract, healthy sexuality education, social skills work, etc. You may have to work with wounds from childhood where they may struggle with shame, feelings of worthlessness, have needs to punish themselves, where their self image is distorted and negative, or where they were emotionally abandoned and unloved by their parents or caretakers. They need to be given hope. They need to know that their counselor respects and cares about them as human beings.

21. And lastly–if an inappropriate image or tempting thought appears on your client’s mind screen have them close their eyes and say, “Thank you God!. I appreciate your reminding me of my weakness. This will help me get well! !” Give them support in their spiritual life. Encourage their reconciliation and relationship with Deity.

Remember to tailor your therapy to the special needs of the couple. You will never use all of these techniques. Chose only those that best fit your client’s special needs. A skilled therapist familiar with treating sex addictions plus involvement with S.A. are both needed to bring about change and healing. This is one illness where you cannot get well on your own unless God grants you a miracle.

FOOTNOTES:

Carnes, Patrick, Don’t Call it Love: Recovery From Sexual Addictions. New York: Bantam Books, 1991.
Evans, D. R. “Masturbatory Fantasy 6t Sexual Deviation.” Behavioral Research & Therapy, 1968, 6, p. 17.
McGuire, R. J. et al, “Sexual Deviation as Conditioned Behavior”, Behavior Research & Therapy, 1965 2, p 185. Rachman, S. “Experimentally induced sexual fetishism”, The Psychological Record, 1968, 18, p. 25.

- Swami Vivekananda, to a rich woman who sent a ugly proposal durig his hardships.
Well there are billions and trillions of sites dedicated to pornograpy, but this one will be dedicated for anti pornography, atleast someone, somewhere will read this and understand the ill effects. Well lets begin with these quotes…..
When I ask men who are sex addicts if they would want their wife or daughter to be in porn, 100 percent say, ‘No.’ They want it to be somebody else’s wife or daughter. They know this material is damaging.”
-Dr. Mary Anne Layden